


When I was Younger

by aievans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter - Marauders
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bisexual Sirius Black, Canon Divergence, F/M, Getting Together, Horcrux Hunting, Living Together, M/M, Marauders' Era, POC James Potter, Post-Hogwarts, Remus and Sirius survive, poc Remus Lupin, poc Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 17:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10949076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aievans/pseuds/aievans
Summary: When Regulus Black comes to his brother with a plea that he's seen his wrong in his choices and that he knows how to take Voldemort down, Sirius can't say no.  If there's a chance to take down the asshole, to save Lily and James from what people say might be their deaths, Sirius will do anything.Which is how Remus and Sirius end up holed up in run down inns and sometimes just camping in the woods to figure out where Voldemort might have hidden pieces of his soul.





	When I was Younger

**Author's Note:**

> Right so this is going to be multichapter, and I don't know how long. Be patient with me because I don't know how often I'm going to be posting chapters. I'll try not to take too long. I'm not sure how important it will be for the actual story, but just so you know I see James as Indian, Sirius as half spanish and half french, and Remus as half Filipino.   
> Also, the song title is from Help! by the Beatles. I might add more to this if I think of more. Also, I tagged major character death and there will be at least one death, but it is not Sirius or Remus! I promise that.

Remus Lupin’s home was a studio apartment in the outskirts of London in a rundown apartment complex. It consisted of two grimy windows that he could never get clean, tiling that was slowly coming up, and carpeting that was as hard as the concrete outside. James had insisted that he could help Remus get a nicer place, but being as stubborn as he wouldn’t accept James’ help. He did concede in allowing James to get him nicer furniture to furnish the place. Remus had argued that it wasn’t necessary, that he wasn’t in it enough. And that much was true.

It had been five weeks since Remus had been home, and two weeks since the last full moon. He was barely walking by the time he made it back to his apartment. The circles under his eyes were like the London sky and there were a few more scars over his torso and collar bone. He grudgingly made it up the stairs and into his apartment, his hands shaking a little as he unlocked his door. He chucked the keys onto a side table by the door, as well as his jacket. His old hiking boots with holes in them were left by the door and he was heading toward the sectioned off kitchen when he caught sight of movement in his armchair. He grabbed his wand, holding it tight in his right hand. Any weariness in him was gone as adrenaline pumped through him. 

“Four weeks, six days, and ten hours, Moony.”

Remus let out a sigh as the figure moved from the shadows, revealing themselves to be Sirius Black. 

“First words you said to me?” Remus asked.

“We were waiting to be sorted and you looked like you were going to puke. Said you were scared of being sorted into Slytherin. I said that I was too. Favorite holiday?”

“Halloween, because it’s the only day that I’m not looked at oddly.”

The two lowered their drawn wands, Remus placing his on the kitchen counter before going through to find the non-perishable food he kept in his cupboards. Sirius moved as well, standing by the counter. Remus could feel Sirius’ grey eyes taking him in, noting every scar that was new. 

“You missed a full moon,” Sirius said.

“Order business,” Remus responded, grabbing a can of beans he’d bought from a muggle shop and opening it. While he bustled around the kitchen, he could still feel Sirius’s eyes following him. “If you have something to say, say it.”

Remus glanced back at Sirius, who seemed to be trying to formulate the words in his head. “Moony, we – the Marauders, we all are wondering where you disappear to. Weeks at a time, Moony. We’re worried.”

“Worried about me or worried about finding the spy?” There was more snip in his voice than he meant. He sighed, his shoulder drooping low and his eyes looking at the can of beans which needed to still be heated in a pan. 

“Remus it’s not like …”

“But it is Sirius,” Remus said, no fight left in his voice. “And you know why it is. I’m a dark creature. That’s what we’re supposed to do.”

“Remus, damn it, don’t be like that! You know we’ve never thought of you like that! You just are always gone! Wouldn’t matter if you were a werewolf or not. You’re gone all the time!”

“The same could be said about you!” Remus snapped, slamming the can on the counter and turning to face Sirius. “It may not be for as long, but you’re gone just as much!”

“You think people aren’t saying those things about me! You know they are! I’m a Black, it’s expect. I just didn’t think you would believe them!”

“It was never about you being a Black! It was about you being gone and not telling us where…”

Remus petered out as he spoke, his body sagging against the counter. They were just going in circles, and he knew it. They were saying the same thing to each other, and if they kept doing this they would never believe each other. He raised his amber eyes to finally look at Sirius. He looked just as broken as Remus. His skin was paler than normal and his cheeks were slightly hallowed out. There was a sadness in his eyes that Remus hadn’t seen since the summer before their sixth year, right after he ran away from home. Remus sighed and shook his head. 

“Fine. I’d rather have Dumbledore on my ass for not keeping it confidential,” he said. “We’ll settle it once and for all that neither of us are the spy.”

Remus hated that they had to do this. They had to prove that they weren’t the spy to each other. Since when did it come to this? At one point there was no one that Remus trusted more than Sirius. He had never been like James and Sirius, who could read each other’s minds it felt like, but there had always been something about Sirius that made Remus feel safe. 

“He’s been having me go to the werewolf packs, run with them and try to convert them to our side. Most of them have already promised allegiance to You-Know-Who, but Dumbledore hopes that I could show them that they’ll never be treated fairly under him.”

“What!” Remus could see the anger explode in Sirius’ eyes and he stumbled back, not knowing what Sirius was angry about. “He’s making you – he’s destroying everything you’ve worked years to create! You said – you said third year, when we finished the process and became animagi for you, when we said we’d be your pack. You said not to call it that because you didn’t want to be like the wolves in the packs, who run without worrying about the people they might hurt, who encourage you to lose yourself! And he’s making you go to them!”

“This is a war Sirius! I can’t just tell him no! There’s no one else who can do it, not like I can. They might actually listen to me!”

“How many of those scars aren’t from your claws?”

Remus looked down. He didn’t want Sirius to know how the packs worked, purely because he didn’t want Sirius to go to Dumbledore’s office and explode on the first person who had given Remus a chance. He didn’t tell him how the other wolves looked at him like he was weak for the side of the war he was standing on. All he said was, “I think it’s your turn now.”

Sirius stopped where he was, processing Remus’s words. He nodded and sighed, dropping his eyes. “Dumbledore has me on long term stalk outs. I know most of the houses of the Sacred 28 and other families likely or know to be on his side.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, looking at Sirius. “And you got angry at him sending me to the packs. He’s got you right back at your god damn home.”

“At least I don’t have to interact with them.”

Remus glanced at Sirius and sighed. Again, he was finding it pointless. He didn’t want to argue with Sirius, especially when he might just be convincing him that he wasn’t the spy. 

“If neither of us are the spy then …” Sirius trailed off. His eyes lit up and his fingers clenched around the counter top. “No – it couldn’t. Remus, who was the one who was telling you that it might be me?”

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, watching Sirius carefully. He’d learned not to question it when Sirius was on a roll though, as it normally ended with something genius and borderline insane. In this case, they might just need that in this situation. “Well loads of people were whispering about it, especially if James wasn’t around to hit them upside the head. Fletcher, though he’s always been a skiddish one, Podmore said it once or twice. But I suppose – Peter was the one who said it the most.”

Sirius cursed under his breath, his anger taking out one of Remus’ mugs. Sirius realized right after what he had done and promised to buy Remus a new one. 

“Pads, don’t worry about the bloody mug. What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Remus,” Sirius said, looking up. “Peter was the one who was telling me and James that you could be the spy, making us second guess everything. And I just talked James into making Peter their secret keeper. They’re going into hiding in a week, and we can’t go back once that happens.”

“We need to find them, now,” Remus said, grabbing his coat and keys, his beans forgotten.

“Hey Moony. It’s good to have you back.”


End file.
